Last semester forced poetry English 215:
Outstretched I lay
Longing for you,
Pining for you,
The tree sends his twittering leaves
Golden into my swaying hair
Substitutes of your fingers
It’s lacking your warmth.
The breeze embraces me
The sun smirks
I hear the chuckles of lovers
All false.
The concrete is cold now
My back aches.
The leaves have turned
And I am done waiting.
Yet the tree,
He still shades me.
I’m racing the sun
It’s chilling my bones
Oh but how you sleep
So peacefully
Chew your lip
Could you be any more adorable?
The bell rings
And I hear your groggy sigh
Oh, if only everyone could sleep as you do
If I could sleep as you do
All would be right
But I still race the sun
He is winning
But baby I have you
Keep sighing
I will win another day.
“Everywhere you go, there will be judgment made. There truly is never an environment where someone can just… be. In my opinion, it is all internalized. It is in a sense of peace. It is living with the joy of knowing that you are free in Christ. It is the freedom in knowing that you are carrying and living as he wants you to, which is the most correct and best possible way to live. If there is ever conflict with another person, you have the freedom to know that it doesn’t matter because the only person who does matter is God. You are who you are supposed to be and you will live freely in that. Not saying you are never insecure and will feel judged, but I guess it is something in your head letting you know that it is alright. That you know what you are doing is unquestionably who you should be. And that everyone else who has a problem with it can take it up with my Father. My Daddy. My Savior.
I am not at that point yet. Let’s be honest. I am insecure. I am not one of those girls who can rock a sweatshirt and sweatpants sans make up and still look, feel, and function impeccably. I care about how I look. A whole lot more than others. There is a reason why I dress the way I do. There is a reason why I spend hours searching for the next “best outfit/hair/makeup.” I dress up to make myself feel better. In other words, I can be shallow. I am shallow. I don’t necessarily judge others and their fashion, I’m more self-centered. I criticize myself relentlessly and I never can just feel beautiful. My “treasure” rests in my appearances and therefore my heart also lies there. So many events have lead me to believe that I am not good enough and I have to somehow make up that part of me by looking from what I perceive as nice. It’s actually depressing thinking about how heavily I base my life around how I look and feel. Never as much as what I know or hold true”
To be totally honest, I almost didn’t want to post this entry. I’m a straight forward type of person. I don’t like to play games and I try to speak genuinely. I hate superficiality. This entry though, makes me seem like a loser. An insecure one who seeks comfort in the superficial and material. This is me, revealed. I wouldn’t be friends with me. Faulty and ugly, we all stumble and fall short. We all struggle with who we are and how we want to be perceived. What’s your cover?
The tree sends his twittering leaves
Golden into my swaying hair
Substitutes of your fingers
It’s lacking your warmth.
Forced poetry sucks.
